Volume 2, Number 1  |  January 2008

Last month, I conducted a very interesting experiment on the mothership, a.k.a. communicatrix-dot-com: I asked for help in defining who I was, and what I did for other people.

The answers that poured in were extraordinary, both in their creativity and generosity. But the most fascinating thing to me was that for as differently as everyone expressed their experience with my, um, output, I came away with a very clear and very focused picture of what it is that I do which provides value to people.

Undoubtedly, this is what led to my Theme for 2008, "Help Is Everywhere," and its corollary, so ask for it, dunderbutt.

Of course, if you're like me--raised to consider anything less than 100% self-reliance a sign of utter moral and spiritual decrepitude--this can be problematic. So here are some ways and means I've used that have helped me get the help I needed. As always, use what feels good and discard the rest.

1. Notes from You-of-the-Past

Sometimes you come across great information or resources you're not ready for right now, but that you have an inkling might be useful in the future. I could write an entire newsletter on this topic alone (hello, February!), but for now, let us just say that it's imperative you have a collection and retrieval system, even if it's just a giant box plus your two hands plus a bunch of time. Me, I like a del.icio.us tag, a folder in my Firefox bookmarks toolbar ("mind jog" is a favorite) and some old-school, three-ring binders.

2. List of go-to "experts"

Once, a long time ago, I heard about a concept where you put together your own, personal "Board of Directors." I might do that someday, when I'm ready to present a cogent plan of action worthy of direction; in the meantime, I've decided to go through the many people I've met over the years and put them in a readily-accessible list, sorted by categories of expertise. And refer to it, often.

3. Support groups, on- and offline

I belong to several networks I turn to for specific types of help. Current roster: a Toastmasters club; EstroFest! (ladies only!); a designers' email list; a smaller designers' accountability group; a spiritual discussion email list; and a workplace/networking advice email list. Other people successfully use social networking sites like Facebook, Biznik, MySpace or just plain old blogs: TequilaCon, a "conference" I attended in 2007, was an outgrowth of a group of like-minded sassybloggers who actively read and commented on each other's posts.

I assess where I'm at every few months or so to keep things manageable. This year, I'll be scaling back participation in a couple of areas to make room for the mastermind group I'm finally ready to start.

4. Bona-fide, professional experts

Believe it or not, there are a whole lot of people out there who will help you for the asking. Me, for example: last year alone, I've personally responded to dozens of actor queries via my column for LA Casting. Be specific and brief and respectful of their time, and know the difference between asking for advice (usually cool) and asking for a favor (usually not).

For those who are shy about asking for help, a great place to ramp up is a class, where: (a), the instructor is paid to help you; and (b), your classmates, who are pursuing a similar interest, constitute an insta-group of like-minded souls. If you live in a city or town of any significant size, you have abundant real-life choices. If not, you'd be amazed at how many online classes there are these days.

5. Private coaching

No way around it: this route costs money, often BIG money. But if you have a very focused goal you're looking to achieve, or if the kind of help you're looking for is too big, deep or scary for a civilian to handle, consider a professional. They've been invaluable to me (as have my beloved and most patient shrinks) in sorting out all kinds of things, from acting to marketing to mapping out myself. This is serious your-mileage-may-vary territory, so be sure to get references and, in the case of private, ongoing coaching, a trial run before signing on to anything longterm.

***

As I availed myself of more and more types of help, I learned some critical things about the process that made it easier to ask for more help in the future:

• People are usually eager to share
• The giver benefits at least as much as the recipient
• Each of us has something useful to give

There may not be immediate reciprocity, but that's what the concept of paying it forward is all about. Or, to get all Trotsky about it, from each according to her ability, to each according to her need.

Now...how can I help you?